Have you ever started something you didn't finish? Have you ever set up a goal and just felt it was too hard to achieve it? I have felt this way many times - that it's just too hard - to either finish what I have started or the goal just seems so far off that there would be no way to reach it.
I have talked a few times about Emily and being in Awana at church. How much she loves it, loves going there, loves accomplishing her goals for that week. It so awesome to see her learning, at a young age, the word of God. It amazes me that I can give her a scripture and the first word or two and she is just rattling the verse off. Me, not so much so. I have a harder time remembering things in general and to try and memorize these verses with her...she out runs me for sure in this category!
Bryan announcing names & awards
Last night was the last night for Awana for the year. This was her first year being involved in it (along with Bryan's first year being a leader) and it was all of our first time for the awards night. It was honestly amazing to see all these kids getting on stage. It was amazing to see all of these kids receiving awards for all their hard work.
Emily has the glasses on.
It was interesting to hear about the awards the kids receive but what was really impressive was to hear about the "biggest" award you can get ~ the Timothy award. This is given to 6th graders who has learned over 400 verses and has done all the required work throughout the years. Seriously amazes me. It was something that as I sat there, as proud as I was of Emily's accomplishment for this year, what I hope her goal will be for the future...the Timothy award!
Emily waiting to get her awards
As I said, this was Emily's first year. She really amazed me when she finished her first book and then went on to her second book. I thought wow, she may really be able to finish two books this year! Never in my wildest dreams did I think she would finish her second book with about 10 weeks left of Awana and start her third book. She did it though ~ she finished all three of her books this year! The Hangglider, Wingrunner and Skystormer! I nearly cried when she came home the last week to say verses and said she did it! I am just so proud of her for accomplishing a goal that seemed nearly impossible at the beginning of the year! I think one thing that made this maybe a little more special is that Bryan was able to be involved. This was something they were able to do together ~ go to Awana together, come home together. Emily was on the same team as Bryan when it came to the game time. For the awards, Bryan was able to announce Emily and the awards she was getting! It just made it all that much more special!
Emily showing me her awards
During the entire program, Benjamin watched and kept asking when he can go up there to get a ribbon. During the times that I would sit with Emily and help her learn her verses, he would be saying "I want to say my verses too"! It just brings a smile to my heart to see how excited he is to join this and to be involved. To know that we are raising our kids to learn about Jesus, His word and to be brought up to love and trust Him as well. Next year, Ben will be able to start Cubbies and it already brings a smile to my face!
I think why this is so special and also makes me so proud of Emily is seeing her so proud of herself. She reached a goal that took alot of hard work. It also just shows me just how far she has come. She will always be on medicine for the rest of her life, but she has also overcome so much. She has also achieved so much, accomplished and experienced so much in her life already. She is learning to love our Lord and trust Him. She has taught me so much and I couldnt be more proud of her.
It's me again! So I opened the month with a post and closing the month with a post! I can't believe how fast this month has flown by!
When I decide what I'm going to post about it has to "come" to me. I have had several things that I thought about posting about this month but it was almost like "in one ear out the other" type of a thing! For some reason though this post, I just couldnt get it out of my head. Like literally! Benjamin was up trying to climb in our bed from 3:00 am - 4:30 and Emily was sick starting at 3:30. So, I have been up since 3:00 am basically with about 1 hour of sleep after that! But anytime I would roll over or get up, this post just keep speaking to me. I finally said, Lord, I will be posting this tomorrow and it was almost like I could stop thinking about it ~ until now!
So blessings ~ when I was at the drive thru Thursday (not McDonalds ~ Walgreens), this song came on the radio and the opening words are "I lost my keys". As soon as Ben heard that, he said "I know this song" and continued to sing those 4 words for the remaining 10 minutes in the drive thru!
This is actually one of my favorite songs. Not just because of the music but also because of the words and what they mean! Example: have you ever been running late and couldnt find your keys when you got to the car? You realized you left them in your other jacket and you take the time to search for them. Or how about going grocery shopping and realize as soon as you get your cart and the kids settled that you forgot your coupons. How about when you come out of work and its pouring down rain and you didnt bring your umbrella with you. I know these are frustrating situations! I think we have all been there, but have you ever taken the time to just say "Thank you, Lord"? I know, really ~ what is there to be thankful for when your running late for work? Maybe if you were running on time, it could have been you in that four car accident and the delayed (which I believe is the Lords doing) kept you safe! So now your probably wondering where the positive note is when its raining and there is no umbrella? Well, look at it this way. There are so many people out of a job right now that, praise the Lord, you have a job to come out of to get rained on! Also, isnt it awesome to see how He really works? How the rain comes and it makes everything grow so we can take the time to admire HIS work?
What about all the blessings we have before us that we take for granted? Living in a house - instead of in an alley, having food on the table every night or the means to go out to dinner - instead of standing outside with your kids begging for money so you can just share some bread or fruit. We are so blessed and, now-a-days, we tend to have so much. I am speaking about myself and my kids as well here. I am so thankful for all we have yet there is that part that feels guilty for all we have. The Lord has blessed all of us, not just buy material things but in ways we dont even realize sometimes. How He kept us from that accident, how you somehow had that extra 5.00 to pay for the remaining grocery bill.
Dont take for granted all you have. Next time, take a little time to just say a "thank you" to Him for running late! Take some time today, to sit down and just realized how blessed you are!
Here is the song I talked about earlier ~ hope you enjoy it!
This is not my home...at least that is what I try to remember, especially on days that just seem like it takes forever to get over! I can rest assure that one day I will be home to my home in Heaven! Did you know I am a Princess? I am a child of the King and one day I will show you my amazing home when HE is finished preparing it for me to live in forever!
Isnt that a little nice to think about? To know the bad days here on earth are just that...bad days that come to an end and one day we will never have another bad day again! On days that Ben is just screaming at the top of his lungs because he isnt getting what he wants or Emily is having an emotional melt down about something else. Better yet, both of them at the same time! I need to remember to take a step back and remember one day, this will be over because there will be no fighting, melt downs, emotional roller coasters and screaming in Heaven. The beautiful sounds of the angels singing is what I wait to hear!
Last week, while eating dinner out, I took Emily's Awana book with us so she could practice her versus for the next night (by the way, she said 6 of them last week!). Since she is wanting to badly to finish her 3rd book this year in the next 5 weeks (when Awana ends), we have been kind of jumping around a little. Doing the little things that she can do now and concentrate on the bigger versus she needs to say. While we were looking at the things she could do now, one of them was for her to draw a picture of the wonderful City we will live in one day. Around the "frame" on the page there was different things describing what Heaven will be like. One of the things on the frame was something like "no more sickness". Emily looked up to me and I told her that means when we die and go to Heaven ~ YOU wont have to take any more medicine, YOU will be healed and wont be sick anymore. Her excitement just knowing that and the smile on her face lite the entire room up. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about that moment that time stopped and she knew she wasnt sick anymore and didnt have to take all the medication.
Its awesome to think that we wont be sick when we leave this place. Its wonderful to think that we will see our loved ones that have already gone to see their prepared place in that beautiful city. Its awesome to think that a bad day here on earth will be forgotten about forever one day - when we all get to Heaven!
There is this song that I am attaching for you....in the song it says "take this world and give me Jesus" ~ I hope that this is what your heart is singing today! This world is not where I belong and I long to see my King with arms open wide welcoming me to the house HE has prepared for me in that City!
"But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint"(Isaiah 40:31).).
This song came on the radio today..."While I'm Waiting". The last time I heard it was in the "Fireproof" movie. When I heard it ~ I liked it and thought what a great song. Today though it hit me a little differently...
Before the song started the host of the show (my awesome sat. radio ~ "The Message") started talking about the writer of the song and how it took 17 years before he would "make it"! What a long time to wait. But when you listen to the words of the song and how the Lord is in control of EVERYTHING - it makes it better! I didnt say it was easy...I just said it makes it better.
When the song started, for some reason I became so overwhelmed with emotion. I started getting the flashbacks of Emily being in ICU. Coming in every morning hoping the levels on the vent were lower and she was breathing more by herself, hoping she had a good night sleep, hoping we had nurses that we loved. It was all we did was wait. We had to learn (which is what hit me today) is that we weren't waiting for Emily to do something but we were just waiting for the Lord and HIS timing in the situation. His plan is always the best plan, His ways are always the best ways. Do I like waiting...no, I am very impatient! Did I enjoy pushing the 4th floor button on the elevator everyday for a month knowing my daughter was on a vent, a feeding tube & laying in a bed in ICU? Not for a minute.
But with as much of the dislikes that i had (and have) every time she has been in the hospital, I also feel that there is a special piece to the Lords puzzle ~ the puzzle He is working on called "Emily's life"! Would I give anything to know that in the morning when she wakes up for school that the Lord has healed her ~ absolutely. Do I want to rush the process ~ i cant because then the process wouldn't be perfect like the Lords process!
The cat is now out of the bag ~ besides reading and scrapbooking (which I havent done in a long while) - one of my favorite shows is The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.
I honestly have no idea why I enjoy the show so much. To be honest, i dont care for the other housewives show ~ so why this one? Maybe the "idea" of Beverly Hills (in California...not Michigan...not the same!) The "rich and famous", everyone knows "somebody". I dont know...I just cant put my finger on it.
What I do know though is how amazing their houses are. How amazing they all dress. How it must be nice that they are all skinny and have chef's! That they can just host a dinner party and its amazing! How they are invited to the most elaborate of events or can just fly to Hawaii when they want. Money does buy alot of things!
After watching it now the two seasons, what I have learned is this: money CANT buy everything. Money does NOT make you happy. Going to incredible parties or hanging out with famous people does NOT change who you are...maybe who you know, but not who you are. This past season was a hard one. As many of you may know that Russell Armstrong died last summer ~ who was a husband of Taylor Armstrong who is on the show. This season focused alot on abuse within the marriage of this couple and it was very sad to see how far Taylor was breaking down. You go to another cast member and you see how she starts spinning out of control due to being an alcoholic. The others have issues as well but it certainly wasnt anything like these two.
It made me realize that money doesnt stop abuse from happening in a marriage and money doesnt stop someone from becoming an alcoholic. Do I wish sometimes that I could have just one of their paychecks, yes! Do I wish I could have the drama that they all deal with, NO!
Money may buy happiness in the form of material things. When I saved my money for a few years (yes, YEARS) to buy a real Louis Vuitton purse ~ I was happy....I still am! Do I treat it like gold when I use it ~ for sure! But what makes me happy about it is that I saved the money. I didnt just pull a credit card out and bought it because I could....it took dedication and alot of garage sales and mom-to-mom sales to earn the money to buy it. It did and does make me happy BUT it doesnt give me true happiness.
I get true happiness from being with my family, going to church, being able to sleep in one day, reading a book. But mostly my happiness comes from having Jesus! Having Him with me daily, where I go, what I do, what I say...He is with me always. Once I asked Him to come into my heart to live ~ that was it....He is NOT moving out! This is where happiness comes from. Not being invited to the next incredible party, not going and buying the next hottest item ($25,000 pair of sunglasses as one of the girls bragged about). Not having money to buy whatever. Some things may not always be what it seems ~ as in Taylor Armstrongs case. She didnt realize the financial situation her husband was in until after he passed away.
I hope you will get your happiness from Jesus, from the fact that He can live with you forever and then one day, you can live with Him forever in heaven. Happiness with material things is substituting something that is missing in your life, possibly, and maybe that something is a personal relationship with Jesus Christ!
Oh to have faith like a child! Why is it that when we start to grow up, even though we still have our faith, it doesn't seem to come as easy to share it?
For me, I know I can sit down and share it with you ~ like this. If you were in front of me, I would be able to share it but I would be more nervous about doing so. I think it's the "rejection" issue that comes into play. I think we are all afraid of being rejected by others and if we put ourselves out there and share our faith and witness to others ~ we could end up being rejected.
I look at Emily and her faith and love for going to church. This is her first year in Awana and LOVES it. I cant stress that enough! I didnt know exactly what Awana really entailed until she was part of it. For those of you who dont know, she learns Bible versus and says them each week. She earns "wings" and beads when she has accomplished different things. Last week she was able to say 10 versus ~ a few were review but the rest were new ones. Last night she said the Old Testament books of the Bible, got her next Awana book and said about 3-4 versus out of there! This being her very first year in it, I am just so proud of her! If she finishes this book by the end of the Awana year, she will have finished 3 books! That is ALOT of versus! She amazes me.
So, she loves going to church. She is always asking people to come to church, go to Awana with her...she just loves it! You can see how let down she is when a friend cant come. Last night though, she was so excited because a little boy from her class wanted to go with her. It didnt hurt things that they were having an ice cream social! Talk about twisting a kids arm to go to church! Emily was thrilled and when she got home she was beaming with excitement! She came in the door and was thrilled that her friend had so much fun and wants to go back next week, she was thrilled he was able to meet her Papa at church and just to have a friend to go to church with her. She was also so excited about how much he enjoyed the story they heard ~ where a dad and teacher were saved! Its amazing to me how young she is but just wants people to be in church and to hear about Jesus!
Lately (ok, for about two weeks now), Benjamin goes around the house singing "Jesus loves me"! It is the sweetest thing, however, its ALL DAY every day! He does twist it up a notch and tries to put a new song in there. Today though, I started in singing a Chris Tomlin song "I will follow". I simply said the words "where you stay, i'll stay" and then Ben chimed in singing "where you go, i'll go". i then said "I will" and he finished it by saying "follow you". I was amazed that 1. he knew the words but 2. at how much what we listen to on the radio our kids really pay attention too! That is the only way he hears the song and it touched my heart! After we took Emily to school today, that song just happened to come on and I was nearly in tears listening and watching my 3 year sing such a powerful song of worship to our Lord!
Today is National Organization Rare Disease Day! Honestly, I wish Emily didnt fall into the category of "rare disease". Sometimes I think my life ~ and hers ~ would be so much easier. I also find it ironic that its NORD day and five years ago Emily began treatment for her HLH. Not that its a day to "celebrate" but what a day to bring awareness.
So many other "common" diseases you see foundations, walks, events in raising money to support and to "find a cure". But have you ever thought about the diseases that so many Americans do suffer from that are rare. Some diseases where its terminal and some where its so rare that the doctor that is in charge of treating your child ~ has only seen a couple cases and needs to reach out to specialists at other hospitals...even in Canada! This was the case for Emily when she was diagnosed. We also have to remember that with any "sick" person, yes the person is the one that is suffering from the disease and has to take all the medication but it also affects the entire family. Before Emily got sick we just were living day to day as a "normal" family. We still live as a normal family its just our normal now is different then someone else.
Its hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. When Emily was diagnosed and put on all the medications and she did a few different chemos and when she got on her 4th chemo, her doctor said in 18 months she will be coming off it...she will be "cured". We had our light at the end of the tunnel. It was awesome the closer the 18 month mark came - knowing we (she) was closer to being finished with her medication and we could go on to the "normal" life we lived before HLH. The Lord had/has other plans and that is when, a year later, she was being treated for it again but it was showing itself in different forms. We now live with no light at the end of the tunnel. We now live with knowing this is her life. The only light that i can see - is the light we have in knowing we have Jesus in our hearts and when He calls us home...we will have finally reached the light at the end of the tunnel. There, Emily will be healed for good.
Even though today is NORD day for rare diseases....it also makes me think of all the ones suffering from diseases that can be treated or are seeking treatment from something. It makes me think of the women close to me that have suffered from breast cancer. Even though breast cancer (or cancer in general) isn't rare, I am sure they looked for their light at the end of the tunnel. People with heart disease ~ again...looking for their tunnel. I do hope that when you are deciding which light to follow, what tunnel you opt to go in ~ make sure you go in the one where Jesus will lead you. Where He will follow you, carry you when you cant walk anymore, hold you when you need to cry and need comfort. He is the light at the end of the tunnel.
I heard this song today and thought it was a perfect song for the blog today.
