Its been one of "those days" for the past week and a half! Last Monday (2/6) Emily had her doctor appointment at the hospital. This isn't as simple as driving to your pediatrician...this is a long morning for us. So we leave and make the 20-25 minute drive, go up and down in the parking structure looking for a spot, then its into the hospital and to the offices! Not bad right? But then its the waiting in the waiting room, waiting in the actual examine room, waiting for the labs and check out. We spend ALOT of time - just waiting. This was a big day though for Emily ~ for us. This was the day that we find out if she will be taken off the steroids. Let me remind you....she has been on them since July of 2010. With all the excitement of the possibility of the end of one medication (which some others would follow since she is taking them ONLY because she is on the steroids), Emily was in such good spirits. She was able to get into a pair of jeans that she hasnt fit into for about a year or more and she has lost 10 lbs since the last time I weighed her at home! So as we get closer to the hospital, I find myself reminding her that she has alot to be thankful for and that if he doesnt take her off the steroids, there is a reason and she can't be upset about it. With a smile beaming from ear to ear...she simply says "I know Mom".
So she is weighed, her blood pressure and everything is taken and then we are put into a room to wait more. The Resident comes in and asks all the "normal" questions and looks at Emily. She then leaves an minutes later she returns with Dr. Adams. He looks at her and even makes a little joke (very uncommon for him) and goes over her medication and now....now is the big moment. The moment we have all been waiting for and then he says it. He says what we were hoping to not hear. He was simply reducing the steroids NOT taking her off them. She went from 2.5 mgs to 2.0 mg. He tried to paint a silver lining for her (me) and say it is really being reduced by 20%.
As we left the appointment, I felt so disappointed. Almost like I had just been hit in the face and Emily looks at me and smiles and just says "It's ok, I fit into my jeans today". That was my silver lining, even though I was still disappointed.
When we were at this appointment, Bryan came home from work to take Benjamin to the doctor. Yes, my son that NEVER gets sick was sick. I called Bryan on my way to drop Emily off at school and he gave me the news ~ Ben had a double ear infection AND bronchitis. Not a big deal right...he got medication and he should be good. Not for me. I now felt like not only was I hit in the face but now....now I was just punched in the stomach. This is (was) a huge trigger for me. Emily initially became ill by simply getting bronchitis and now Ben is and, oh by the way, he is about the same age she was when she got sick. All these feelings were going on in my head and during it all I found myself trying to hold back the tears so I could just get Emily to school. I didnt want to ruin her day of rejoicing about the jeans. I dropped her off, got back in the car and cried. I could only think....Lord, I cant do it with another child. We are still dealing with Emily....I cant handle another sick child. I dried my eyes and went into Walgreens to get Bens medication. This was the start of the past week and a half.....
So that was Monday! Tuesday I started to not feel good. And the cycle began. Ben was sick and now I was too. I could only pray that Emily was not going to get sick. By Sunday, Ben was better - still coughing but better...me, well, I just felt plain miserable. We went to church (Emily stayed at my parents house on Saturday night) and after church was over - one look at Emily and I knew. She had a fever. So this Monday Emily was home from school (and Tuesday and today), throwing up and a fever. I still wasnt feeling good, starting to potty train Ben and her being sick just did NOT make for a good day. To top things off, calling Dr. Adams office to inform them of her being sick only to get a phone call back stating if her fever spikes again ~ she will need to be admitted. My heart sank and I prayed for the Lords healing. Well, Tuesday before going to bed, her fever was gone and it was the best night sleep we all received over the past couple of days!
As I was doing my devotions on Monday (2/6), a little "story" was in my book and it talked about a situation. They used the example of having 2 windows and the same thing is going on out both windows it's just which way do you choose to see it. Out of this window was all the disappointment and heartache that was going on and out of window 2 was the same situation however, a different light was shed on it. After reading that I knew it applied to me but I didnt realize how much it would over the next week. I was looking out window 1 with all the disappointment about Emily not being off the steroids and Benjamin being sick and then trying to potty train him and the constant changing of pants....when, in fact, Emily showed me to look out window 2 as she was doing ~ looking at the positives ~ yes, she wasnt taking off the steroids, BUT she was able to get into her jeans and she lost 10 lbs, yes Ben is sick but he is NOT showing signs like Emily did, yes Ben continues to pee his pants BUT look how many times he has actually made it to the potty! She is quick to remind me to give him his "potty treat" when he does it and to praise him for a job well done.
Its amazing what a difference choosing to look out a different window can do. The world and different situations dont seem as bad when you look out the window where you see the light shining! Today choose to see a negative situation from a new light, look out that other window ~ you will see how positive things really are.
