Let go and let God

 Then they cry unto the Lord in their trouble, and He bringeth them out of their distresses
~ Psalm 107:28


 When you are faced with a struggle, how do you handle it?  Do you sit and worry about it or do you give it to God and let Him handle it?  Do you make yourself sick over it?

I must admit ~ I tend to worry about things.  I am learning to give it all to God.  It's hard sometimes.  I found that when Emily was in the hospital or we had to increase medication ~ things like that, I found it easier almost.  Maybe knowing that I CANT change the outcome and that this is all in His hands ~ it made it easier...I dont know.

I know I have tried finding ways to "connect" with my kids.  Connect in a different way.  Maybe have something in common with them or try to make a special lunch for them.  Just something so we can "stay connected".  With Emily, it was us taking a cake decorating class together.  Benjamin ~ well, we are together 24/7 and honestly, I think sometimes he misses me at night and that is why he wakes me up so much ~ to spend more time together!  Austin, well, he is 16.  When I was 16 life was different then.  It took time to find something we have in common or that we can do together when he is here.  We have started having "movie night".  When Emily and Ben go to bed, Austin and I will watch a movie together.  I love it ~ its our time.

We now can say we both have something else in common.  Something that we can relate to each other with ~ something I wish wasnt the case.  Recently, Austin's cousin passed away.  They were close ~ not only in age but also friends.  They were about two years apart.  The day we found out about his cousin passing, I picked Austin up from school. It was one of the hardest things I have had to do.  This was such an emotional experience to have to face him and seeing him trying to take the news in.  It took me back to when I was 10.   

When I was 10 and in fifth grade, my cousins and aunt was in a car accident.  My cousin sitting in the backseat was killed instantly.  She was 11 and in 6th grade.  We were exactly on year and one week apart.  We were close.  At 10, that was the first death experience I had that was so close to me.  I still remember everything like it happened last night.  I remember where we were, who called, who answered the phone.  I remember the next day and going to school (it happened on a Thursday night) and crying all day.  I then remember going to the funeral home and then the funeral.  I remember sitting there and watching my aunt and uncle saying goodbye to their daughter.  Sitting there watching my grandparents say bye to their granddaughter.  I remember my grandfather leaning over and kissing her.   This all brings back painful memories ~ memories though, that I dont usually dwell on.  I remember her every year on her birthday.  What would she look like now?  How long would she have been married?  How many kids would she have?   Would they be boys or girls or both?  These are all questions I think of but obviously, never happened.

When Austin's cousin passed away, seeing him at 16 having to deal with this unexpected tragedy, brought back all these feelings.  It helped me to feel even more compassion for him.  It helped me to sit back and say, "Lord, help me to be able to help him". 

Over the last few days, I have heard rumors and let's face it ~ when you hear rumors they usually arent true.  In this case, the rumors were so far fetched that it made me so upset and hurt me so badly.  As I was talking with someone about this situation and if I should confront the people ~ she simply said to me "let go and let God".  WOW!   Seriously, that's all I could say.    

Sounds so simple doesnt it?  But I will say its something I need to work on.  A lesson I needed to learn and in learning this, I will be able to help Austin deal with this.  This is a lesson that doesnt just apply to this situation but to everything.    Just a simple statement but a powerful one.  

When looking for ways to connect with your kids - it doesnt always take something serious like this but it could be as simple as watching a movie together or treating them to lunch.  Kiss your kids, hug your kids, tell your kids you love them.  You dont know what the next second holds.      

Another year and feeling more blessed!

 How do you plan for a party?  Do you sit down and make a menu out?  Do you plan out every detail of how its going to look, the theme and the colors?  When it comes to one of mykids birthdays ~ I do try to make sure THEY are happy and happy with how things turn out.

 When Benjamin turned four in December, I really sat down and made sure I had everything planned out.  He had a pirate themed birthday and I planned out everything down to even "naming" the food in a pirate theme.  What I didnt plan for was not feeling well at all!  His birthday was my first attempt at making chocolates and cookies.  I had started a cake decorating class so I thought the lessons I was learning would come in handy for the cookies and future parties!  I ordered the cake from a friend of mine and she did an amazing job!


Fast forward to a few weeks ago when we celebrated Emily's birthday.  She is nine now.  She LOVES elephants ~ so her theme was elephants!  Her color scheme was pink and brown and again, I sat down to make it an elephant/carnival type theme for her.  I found a cute dress with elephants all over it for her to wear to her party. I made her birthday invitations and I found adorable plates, napkins, etc at my new "go to" party place. This time, instead of ordering the cake, I wanted to do it myself.  To my surprise it turned out pretty good!  I made elephant cookies and chocolates as well!  She was happy with everything and that is all I could ask for.

Saying all this and being able to share with you how blessed I feel to be able to do this for

my kids, what I find myself doing at Emily's parties is thanking Jesus more.  With HLH and IF this was genetic form ~ most likely Emily wouldnt have seen past her sixth birthday.  Her parties are just more special to me.  Its not just "a birthday party".  Yes, it is away to celebrate her and her life but for me, its to also celebrate how far she has come.  Its a way to see how amazing our God is.   Its a chance for others to see the miracles He has done on her.

Its not just another birthday ~ its a day to reflect on how much she has dealt with in her short life, a day to remember just how blessed we are.  God is good!