Unfortunately (and fortunately) we have had to live this. With Emily's sickness it really has to be a "no matter what" situation with God. I mean, seriously, if we took matters in our own hands - how would we do it? We obviously have trust in the doctors that care for Emily but our ultimate trust has to come from HIM!
The dreadful anniversary that is edged in my heart and head has come and gone. The date of September 30th. The day that I thought part of my world was crashing at a rapid pace but also the day that my faith and trust in God was being tested one more time. September 30th ~ the day I had to place a panic 9-1-1 phone call to save my daughters life. The day that i would no longer see this precious little girl but see a very sick little girl in ICU on a vent for the next month! This is a day that tends to come with emotion for me. Yes, I remember that morning like it was just yesterday but I am learning to not let it control me at that time every year! Its been two years and we have so much to be thankful for. Emily is thriving and is doing remarkably well. Coming home from the hospital and having medicine co-pays of upwards to 300.00 a month to now having them down to 20.00 a month for her is just something I could never see! The Lord is good!
On the way home from dropping Benjamin off at pre-school, a song came on the radio. "No matter what" is the title of the song. As I drove and listened to the song it made me think...the Lord knows the trials we face and when we will face them...HE has already seen them! But our test is here ~ will we still trust Him? Will we still love Him and follow Him? My faith is so much stronger now because of the trails we have faced in our lives. Not just with Emily, but day-to-day trials as well. I sit here and I can honestly say YES! My heart and life is HIS to have! I will follow and trust. Not just when its "a good time" or during a trial will I do this but every day!
When listening to this song, thoughts of the trials that we face came to mind but something else. I thought of my cousin. You see in the last 5 years she has lost 2 children. A boy and a girl. I thought how much her strength amazed and still amazes me. What else amazed me....her faith! How her strength came from God and how she leaned on Him to help her endure this. She was and is a huge example to me of what faith in the Almighty God can do for a person. Because of her loss, she has gone on to write a book now, she volunteers her time to help others who share similar stories and she is now doing speaking engagements! The Lord has blessed her! At the time of losing her children she could have easily given up. She could have easily become bitter with God ~ instead she CHOSE Him! She chose to serve Him still - no matter what!
A friend of mine recently told me something that has made me really think. She said "Everyone always says God doesn't give us more then we can handle." She said "I think thats garbage"! -- let me pause for a min. i will admit when she said that, i was shocked! i thought that is crazy and then she went on -- she said "I think He gives us MORE then we can handle so we HAVE to lean on Him and trust Him"! I will say, I think she is right!
I am so thankful that I have a Father that I can lean on, put all my trust in and know He has seen the trial that is coming and how it will unfold. I will trust Him, follow Him and love Him ~ no matter what! Will you?
