On my way home from Austins game one of a double header today, the song "Forgiveness" by Matthew West came on. I only listened to a little of it and already started getting teary eyed. Maybe it was the introduction that came before the song...the reason for the song being written. Maybe it was just the word "forgiveness" and the meaning that goes along with it, I dont know. What I do know is it moved me so much to sit down and do a post about it.
The song was written about a lady who wrote into Matthew West. Her daughter was 20 years old and killed in a car accident by a drunk driver. The mother went to the prison to tell the driver that she forgave him and asked the judge for a lesser sentence. Talk about forgiveness! How would you be if a driver killed your child? When I was in 5th grade, my cousin (she was in 6th grade at the time) was in a car accident and was killed. My aunt and cousin were both injured and in the hospital. I remember that night like it just happened and yet, it happened nearly 28 years ago. My cousin, my partner in crime, was gone. What an amazing gift to give someone that has wronged you ~ to give the gift of forgiveness.
I know I tend to forgive easily. Maybe too easily in somes opinion. When it comes to my kids or my husband, the forgiveness comes quickly ~ the unconditional love for someone makes it easier to do so. Others ~ I forgive but the wrong that was done...I tend to dwell on it. I suppose if I tend to dwell on something maybe the forgiveness wasnt really there or maybe just 100% forgiveness wasnt there at the time.
When Emily went into ICU after the 9-1-1 call, I just wanted her better. It wasnt until she came home from the hospital and and was finished with her outpatient therapy that things started to hit me. Life was calming down a bit and I wasnt running to the hospital twice or three times a week. Things started to become overwhelming and it got to the point that I needed, in my eyes, to let go...forgive a person that seems to be the hardest person to forgive ~ myself. Even though I didnt actually do anything that needed forgiveness it was the weight of the guilty the was weighing so heavily on me. I had guilt because I have PCOS and needed fertility medication to become pregnant with Emily, I had guilt because I was getting toxemia when I was pregnant with her and they induced me two weeks early. Guilt because she got sick. Guilt because I didnt take her to the doctor and left it until it came to the point of septic shock and calling 911. Guilt because I was powerless in this situation and felt I had no one to blame but myself. I still deal with feelings of guilt when it comes to my kids. I still deal with the fact that this isnt my fault but yet somehow blame myself. It still takes everything in me to work on "forgiving" myself....forgiving myself that is out of my control but yet some days I feel so guilty about the situation.
One thing the does rest easy on my mind and heart is how Jesus continues to give me that precious gift of forgiveness on a daily basis. When i mess up ~ His unconditional love is there to hold me & forgive me ~ no questions asked! Isnt that amazing? Doesnt that make you want to be more like Him? Imagine how much more peaceful our lives would be to live like Jesus...to forgive like Jesus and to love like Jesus!
I usually will post a song with the lyrics in them so you can really take in the words and the meaning of them. Today though, I am posting the song "Forgiveness" where Matthew gives the back story about the song. It is so powerful ~ please sit and listen to the entire thing ~ you will be moved!
