Grandparents

Grandparents are a wonderful gift to all grandchildren.  I know the Lord has blessed us with amazing parents to watch our kids when Emily has been in the hospital, for all the little things they do, for spending the nights, movies or any other adventure!  I honestly dont know what we would do without our parents (Papa & Nana ~ Meemaw & Papa) for our kids.

As much as they are great grandparents, I want to share with you one set of of my grandparents.  They are such amazing people, such godly people.  They raised their kids to know and love the Lord (who intern raised me that way).  They were wonderful when I was sick at school and needed to be picked up, wonderful...loving people!

I dont remember this but I have been told this story many times that my cousin and I (we were close to Emily's age) were at my grandparents house and they had a laundry shoot in their bathroom.  We took wet towels and one by one started throwing these towels down the shoot.  Little did we realize at that time what a huge mess we made for them to clean up in the basement!

I also remember my grandpa would always make popcorn balls and rootbeer floats when I would stay the night and for breakfast my grandma would always make toast with cinnamon and sugar on it.  My grandma ALWAYS had fresh baked cookies in her cupboard and EVERYONE knew where to go to get them.  There always seemed to be two different kind when we would be there.  

My Grandpa and Grandma Valade ~ Christmas 1984

My grandpa always put in the fridge a Hershey almond bar broken up into pieces in a little bowl.  I remember going over there and the bowl would be filled and when we left there would be a few pieces left....Im not saying who ate it all but it was good!! 

I remember my grandmas baked chicken she used to make and her stuffing at Thanksgiving.  Something about those two things, I miss them dearly!  My grandma used to make black currant jam too and one day I went over there to help her make it.  It was so amazing watching her in the kitchen ~ which, by the way, was big enough for only a few people at a time! When she would make things there was no measuring...you just dump things in.  A little of that, a little of this. 

I loved when I got my drivers license because my grandma didnt drive.  After my grandpa passed away she needed people to take her to the bank, the grocery store or any other place she was in need of going.  I remember going and picking her up and taking her to Taco Bell ~ she loved Taco Bell!  She always got the hard tacos!

When my grandma passed away, I was there with her.  Some people think this may have been a tragic experience but it wasnt.  All the family that was at the house came in her room and we all stood around her bedside.  She looked around at everyone and when my aunt got there (from Canada) she knelt down beside her bed.  We then began singing "Amazing Grace".  I remember it like it was yesterday because I left feeling like I had just seen the face of Jesus via my grandmother.  Watching her and then seeing her eyes look up to the corner of the ceiling with the most peaceful, happiest smile I have ever seen on her face and realizing that she just met her Savior face to face!  

I miss both of them dearly!  I found some things I had of theirs when I was purging some things and I sat and cried....remembering the memories, holding my grandpas fishing hat he always wore or my grandmas watch that was on her wrist every day.  I cried because i wish so badly they could see how I have grown, see how happy my husband and I are, to see my kids and to know they are praying for my Emily.  I know I will see them again when I get to Heaven.  I know they will be standing there waiting to see me again.   


One of the greatest memories I have though is every morning my grandpa would sit in his Lazy-boy, drinking his tea and reading his Bible.  What a great example.


~~Grandma, I love you lots & lots more~~

 

Benjamin

Let me introduce Benjamin to you, for those of you who dont know him.  He is my wild but loving three year old.  He has an amazing heart and was our special gift from God!

3 years old ~ his yogurt "muscrash"!

After we made it past 2007, Bryan and I started to entertain the thought of having another baby.  Since all of Emily's genetic testing had come back negative we started to think about it.  I remember the night that we put Emily to bed and Austin went to bed as well.  Bryan and I started talking about maybe starting to try around June or July ~ WE didnt want a baby in November because he is an avid deer hunter and because of Thanksgiving but we also didnt want a baby in December.  Having a birthday so close to Christmas myself, I know how it feels to have a "Christmas birthday".  So we agreed we would wait until we knew we cleared those months before starting to try.  Little did I know that I was already pregnant when we had this conversation. It was now obvious that the Lord had other things in mind and what WE wanted was NOT what HE wanted!    Two weeks later I took a pregnancy test, and then another and another and another.  I think I took a total of around 6 or so.  With our anniversary just a week away, I wrapped up a little onsie and gave it to Bryan, along with two of the pregnancy tests!

Because Emily was still taking chemo at that time, Bryan had to help out alot with her medication as I could not touch it.  

12/17/2008 

I had never gone into labor by myself, I was induced with Austin and Emily and thought this would be no different.  My doctor scheduled me for induction at 7:00 am on 12/17/08 ~ the day after my due date.  The Biggest Loser finale was on and I remember feeling contractions throughout the show.  I didnt think anything of it because it didnt hurt and because I had never experienced it this way before. That night when we went to bed Bryan said, lets try and get a good night sleep since we know what tomorrow will be like!  A couple hours later, I was in the bathroom on the floor and not being able to move from the pain of the contractions.  I finally was able to wake Bryan up and we left around 2:15 am for the hospital and it was a huge snow storm.  We got to the hospital and they broke my water.  Within  a couple hours I was ready to start pushing...the epidural didnt work so I was feeling everything.  Little did I realize that Ben's heart rate kept dropping so they rushed me in for an emergency C-section.  Because of the epidural didnt work, they had to put me completely out.  Waking up a few hours later, I got to see my precious little boy!  He was perfect!

Benjamin 3 months old

Halloween 2009 10 months

ALOT has changed since then. I call him my little monkey because he gets into everything and he LOVES bananas!! He keeps me on my toes and is obsessed with matchbox cars, trains and airplanes! He loves doing whatever Emily is doing and he loves it when Austin comes home every other weekend.  

Ben's first Easter 2009 ~ 4 months old

 He is a "mommy's boy" and  he walks around the house going "Honey" or "Honey, I need help, please".  He has recently started to be the backseat driver and when the light turns red  ~ he is immediately yelling STOP! STOP! red light! and when its green "GO - GO - GO"!  He doesnt understand when there is a car in front of you...you cant go until they do!  He has his funny ways of saying "muscrash" for "mustache"! If you fake like your going to cry ~ he immediately runs over and says "dont cry, dont cry...it be alright"!  When he gets in trouble and after a time out he always says sorry and then most of the time he will get a sweet smile on his face and say "you give me?" and after i say "yes, I forgive you" he gets a huge smile on his face and says "you happy now?"!  

When He came to visit at the hospital 10/31/10

He adds so much joy to my life.  The Lord knew exactly what we needed after the initial sickness of Emily.  When she was sick in 2010, Ben stayed alot with Grandparents.  He would come up to the hospital a few times and it was wonderful when I would get a little extra time with  him.  He is such a blessing though.  It warms my heart when I hear him trying to sing "Jesus loves me"

Ben's new race car bed 2/1/12

I am now starting to potty train him.  Lets just say...its not an easy task ~ certainly not as easy as Austin was or Emily! He refuses to do it! He will seriously sit on his potty seat and scream no matter how long I leave him there and as soon as he gets a diaper on....he pees!  I have tried to bribe him (yes, I said it!) with buying him a new matchbox car and with M&M's ~ not working! I have signed him up for Pre-school for September and he is so excited about that (again, no incentive to start using the potty seat!). We have moved him from the crib to a toddler bed but again, that has no motivation for him either!  I know it will happen in time and maybe that is just what he needs.  It does amaze me though how much he has grown, the words that come out of his mouth (he told me Wed to "change my attitude" and then laughed!). The facial expressions he does and the belly laugh he will do...He just brings a smile to my face and it makes me realize more every day just how much the Lord has blessed me.  This may sound crazy but  its almost like the "prize" for everything we have and will endure with Emily, we have been blessed with a healthy child.  One that shows no signs of HLH or any other sickness ~ he is hardly sick for that matter.  He is just the greatest gift and I feel so blessed that the Lord chose me to be his mom.   He is an incredible little boy and the Lord has some awesome plans for him as he grows.

2/1/12 ~ Ben decided to play with his cars and this is how I found him!

Finish what you start -

"Finish what you start" was said to me on Friday and made me think.....

Backing up, on Friday morning when Bryan was leaving for work he asked me to get everything out of the kids bathroom so he could clean it when he got  home.  When he said it my thoughts immediately went to ~ this is his way of telling me im not doing my "job" or sending me a little message of get in there and clean it today.  A bunch of thoughts were there but what I didnt think is what was REALLY meant ~ nothing.  He was going to clean the bathroom...simple as that.  It makes me wonder why I (and maybe alot of woman) tend to think there is more to a simple comment.  Why we beat ourselves up so much.  So not taking the comment for what it was and what I   made it out to be, I went in and cleaned the bathroom.  What i didnt realize though was how gross the floor was.  I found the "Mr. Clean bathroom eraser" and started in line by line on the bathroom floor.  Completely amazed by how clean it was getting.  I stopped because of having to get Emily but vowed I would finish before Bryan got home from work.  

So my plan didnt go like I thought it would.  When we got home (and yes, before Bryan got home) I immediately went upstairs to do the other request he asked and then I decided to change the sheets on our bed and Emily's.  By that time Bryan was home and coming up the stairs to change his clothes.  He asked about the bathroom and said he was going to do it that i didnt have to do it.  I said well, the floor needs to be finished you can do that.  That is when the comment was made...he said it to me.  He looked at me and flat out told me NO!  He was not going to finish cleaning it.  He said I started it, I can finish it.  I tried to talk him into finishing it for me and he said "For once, just finish something you start".  I was taken back by the comment.  I went into the bathroom, closed the door and started scrubbing my anger out on the floor.  As I was going into "self-pity" mode, it hit me.  There are several times in my life that I can think of that I start something and never finish it.  I will buy things with good intention of starting the project but never seeing it thru.    So, as I sat there in the bathroom, scrubbing the floor ~ instead of crying because I was hurt and mad, I opted to thank God for bringing it to my attention.  Reminding me that there is so much that I need to finish that I have started.

Think about it....if we were all that way, how messed up with the world be?  I think about Emily and when she was being cared for in ICU ~ what if her doctors would have said "forget it, I want to move to a different patient and come back to her whenever" or what about her doctor she sees on a regular basis.  Its a scary thought and I feel blessed that these people finish what they start ~ especially in the medical area!

I also was reminded of a song.  I remember this song from when I was probably Emily's age.  Maybe some of you remember it.  Its called "He's still working on me".  If there was anything I wouldnt want finished it would be HIM working on me!  He isnt finished and I hope I will be patient as He continues to work on me.   I have attached a video of it with the lyrics.  Hopefully it will bring back some memories for some of you.  

What do you need to finish in your life?  I know I will be making a list, but this time I WILL be completing the list!

 

Big brother ...

Austin 14 1/2 yrs old ~ 12/24/11

Austin...what can I say but he is my first born!  He is almost 15 (man, I feel old).  He really is a great kid.  We have had our times though.  Right now he lives mostly with his dad and he comes to our house every other weekend.  He gives me a hard time but I also understand and I am trying to be more understanding the older he gets.

March 2010 at their birthday party (Austins is the 18th, Emily is the 16th)

I think this has been really hard on him ~ ya know, Emily getting sick.  When she first got sick he was in 4th grade.  I think at that time he maybe blamed  himself a little...he had bronchitis first and then Emily got it and then she was in the hospital with some weird disease that made her get really big and not look like herself.  Emily adored Austin (she still does) so it was very hard on her not seeing him as much when she was inpatient.  Austin would come and see her occasionally at the hospital ~ the entire situation was hard on all of us.  Austin couldnt figure out why i was "choosing" her over him, Bryan had to try and spend time with all of us, Austin was being passed around from this person, to this one, to this one.  It was just hard.  I think he also resented her to some degree too.  I mean, how would you feel, your sister gets sick , you feel like its your fault since you were sick first, your mom leaves to be with her, every time you visit your sister has more gifts (Emily would get something EVERY TIME she had something done...blood drawn - stuffed animal, x-ray - stuffed animal, ultrasound - stuffed animal).   Im sure he was jealous, hurt, angry, sad, guilty and anything else you can put down.  I think that is when the roller coaster started with him.  

At his dads house, he gets all the attention.  His dad and step-mom dont have any kids together so its just Austin!  He gets ALL the attention ~ here he obviously has to share it with two other kids.

Bryan and I probably made a big mistake by not sitting down and discussing Emilys illness with Austin like we should have in 2007.  Sure we told him about it but not to how serious it was.  We didnt want to make him worry about something, I mean, he was just a kid!  This time (2010) when she went into the hospital and was in ICU, we made him come up to see her at least once when she was on a vent.  He HATED every min. he was there.  We felt he is older now and he needs to know that we didnt know if she was going to make it.  He needed to see we werent at the hospital sitting around having a pizza and playing games with the nurses.....she was in serious shape! Even though he sees this, he gets it, but theres a part of me that still feels that maybe he still resents her because she gets so much attention and maybe resents me because i "chose" her over him (which, I think any mom would feel they didnt have the option..they would have to stay with their child that was in the hospital).    

As Austin gets older, I think he gets more mature and I think maybe he understands a little more. If i could go back and change things, I would.  I would make it so Emily never got sick so I could continue staying with both of them...I think that would help where we are today.  The amount of time I was able to give back then - it just wasnt enough to meet the needs of a little boy.  My prayer is that he will grow up and understand everything Emily and us, as a family, has had to deal with, give up because of how serious her illness is.  I pray that he learns to forgive and let go of any ill feelings he has as he matures and grows older and that he understands that I didnt have a choice about going with her and it certainly did not (and does not) mean i love her more.

It does amaze me though, each time he comes over I see a bigger change in him and not for the worse.  I see him growing and maturing.  The conversations he has are more mature and he is actually talking.  There are sometimes thats all he does ~ I wouldnt trade it for the world though!  I love hearing about my sons friends, about the new baseball game for xbox or even a new phone he got.  It may not be an interest of mine but it becomes one because its important  to him. 

He is an amazing son and i hope he realizes just how much i love him.