It takes one time to start something new!

Going to the store is always difficult when I have Ben or Ben & Emily.  Yes, Ben runs around and I spend half the time chasing after him, but its also very hard for me to say "no" to him or them.  When it comes to Ben, he only wants match box cars so I  honestly think "its ONLY .99, whats the big deal"? It wont hurt.  But its not teaching him anything and considering he has probably close to a thousand cars between our house and Nana's house (no lie, either!) ~ he honestly doesnt need anymore ~ .99 or not!  I am learning that i NEED to say no!

With Emily, her things are more, obviously!  She will say "but its ONLY 5.00"!  Generally I give in.  I think with her its different....she is my only girl but also she has been "spoiled" for so long now that I dont know how to say "no" to her.  When she has been in the hospital she was getting "gifts" left and right for blood drawns, MRI's or someone came to visit and had a little something for her.  Alot of times too, my guilt plays (played) a role in things. My guilt that I couldnt "fix" her, my guilt that she is sick and there is nothing I can do about it.  My guilt of her having to take medication every day and not being able to change that.  My guilt for the way people look at her when she cant help the way she looks!  

Well, the other day Emily heard something new from me ~ "NO" and I meant it this time!  I was leaving to go to target and she begged to go.  I told her she could, however she wasnt getting anything this time.  This to her (Im guessing) meant if I beg long enough, she will cave!  Well, she threw a fit before we left and I told her, I was leaving and she could come, however I meant that she was getting nothing.  She decided to go.  As soon as we walked past the checkouts and came to the Justin Bieber trading cards, she immediately asked "Can I get one", my answer ~ NO! She said then can I get two? I said NO! She asked to go to the toys to look while I was getting the couple things I needed.  I went back to the toys to find her and she had something else with her "Can I get this" ~ NO!  Then she tried a different tactic....I REALLY like this! I would REALLY like it if I had this.  I said ~ NO! She stormed off to put it back.  When I informed her it was time to go, she said "You mean I dont get anything?" I said  ~ wait for it ~ NO!!  She ran ahead of me very upset and with her little attitude. 

We got in the car and her attitude changed!  We stopped to get DQ as a special treat (this was already in the plans ~ not as a "reward" for not buying her anything ~ although, I do like that idea of rewarding me with DQ if I say no to the kids!) and a 5.00 pizza for dinner.  After we were finished eating she said to me "Sorry, Mom, for being bad in the store" and gave me a hug.  It felt so good to finally NOT cave and buy something for her but to also hear her recognize it and have her apologize for her actions.

When telling Bryan this when we were getting ready for bed, we both laughed about it but to me, I felt like I really made some HUGE steps, not just for me but also for her!  I realized, I really can say NO to her and mean it!  I know, crazy, right?!  I think I have allowed my guilt for the situation she is in to really "run" my life and allowed it to really play a role on my emotions and my emotional spending,  that it felt good to stand up to it, to take charge and to realize that it really is possible.!  

Its a start!  It takes one time to start something new and I think I am starting something good...no matter how hard its going to be, no matter how emotional its going to make either of us..its beneficial to both of us!